Mt. D.E.R.P.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

January 1, 2024

Announcement of New National Monument

The administration is excited to announce the creation of a new national monument in Custer County, South Dakota. Following in the patriotic footsteps of Mt. Rushmore, this new monument will feature a re-envisioning of our founding fathers fathers as: Donald, Elon, Ramaswamy and Palmer (D.E.R.P.).

Mt. D.E.R.P. will feature a bust of the four men stoically looking over the South Dakota landscape, as if scheming how best to extract more wealth from the simple-minded citizens of this great nation.

A brief explanation as to why each of these individuals deserve such an honor:

• Donald Trump

  • He’s a billionaire

• Elon Musk

  • He’s a billionaire

• Vivek Ramaswamy

  • He’s a billionaire (or was briefly, but still a shameless capitalist)

• Palmer Luckey

  • He’s not yet a billionaire, but he looks particularly derpy

  • Probably means well with his AI killing machines

This new monument will be built on land acquired through imminent domain, replacing the partially completed Crazy Horse Memorial. Construction of this important monument will be funded through savings identified by D.O.G.E. which include cuts to N.O.A.A, Dept of Education and childhood cancer research.

Construction will begin immediately by our preferred contractor, The Boring Company.

Detailed plans and visual mock-ups are forthcoming.